And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
