literally had 100 drinks last night.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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