she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My life is pants optional.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize