She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
