he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
