I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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