Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
