Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
