How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
