finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize