I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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