How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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