I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
