Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
