At least make sure they are 18
Why
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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