So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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