It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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