Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
