Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
