My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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