What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
