i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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