I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
