; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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