ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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