Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Everyone says I win the strip club
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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