rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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