She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
