He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
