I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
