I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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