I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
