My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
