Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
