he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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