my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
