look no pants
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
