I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize