she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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