Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
