I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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