I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
