just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love having hate sex.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
