Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
