NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
