I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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