He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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