i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize