Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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