Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
