Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
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