Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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