we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize