you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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