Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
