I'm drive I can fine osifer
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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