i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
