We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
