Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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