Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
