Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
