your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
