Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
