the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We don't watch enough power rangers
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
