I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
