I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
