dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
