Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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