Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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