I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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