Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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