In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
bring money and cleavage
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
