Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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