i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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