I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
