ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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