she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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