Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
