I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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