giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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