we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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