He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
