I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
