I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you didnt know i had herpes?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
