She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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