She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
