no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
