Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Couch. On fire.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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