Swine flu. Run for my life!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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