Only a mothe r could love this liver
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
