it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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