dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
