..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
