i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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