If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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