Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
