The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize